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Paul teaches that the husband and the wife are to both "[submit] to one another out of reverence for Christ." (Ephesians 5:21). Why? Each person brings applicable value to each others lives may it be instruction, wisdom, guidance, compassion, skills, positive (and unfortunately some negative) attitudes and general and specific philosophies on life. Moreover, each person also brings the value of their very nature to the table, that is one person is a man and the other is a woman. So the husband brings himself in-toto to the relationship and the wife brings her total self to the relationship; and over the years what begins to develop is a new man and a new woman. The husband is to submit to his wife as she has things to offer that will do nothing but benefit him as a man and a follower of Christ; and in the same way she aught to submit to him as what he has to offer will make her a better woman and a follower of Christ; this of course is contingent on both people as individuals being reliant on Christ and sharing the vision for a God-centred union.
However there are unique ways for the husband and wife are to individually actualize this mandate as a husband and a wife. From here on in, I will discuss the role of the husband. Paul is clear that "...the husband is the head of the wife,..." - Ephesians 5:23a Such propositions are often stained with perception; a perception that is influenced by factors such as upbringing, friends, society, comparing first century middle-eastern culture to 21st century Western culture, and of course let us not forget that he is a sinful human being. So what is one to do? In this day of social quality is the husband still the head? Or is that a first century way of thinking, and now for us in The West, who live in the 21st-century is there ought to be a different interpretation or application for that passage? The answer is found in the passage itself.
...as Christ also is the head of the church,... (Ephesians 5:23b)
Is it societally relative that Christ is the head of the church? No. Therefore since Christ is the picture to mimic then the husband role does not change with time and culture. Husbands will forever be the head. How, however is he to proactively live out this responsibility in his life? 1) Concentrate on his own responsibility and not police his wife's role. 2) Remember her role in his life, namely be his complementer or helper, (Genesis 2:18b). Why? He needs the help! God noticed that it was not good that the man was alone (Genesis 2:18a) so He solved the problem, namely his wife.
However what does it mean that he is 'the head'? The husband is the spiritual leader; the one who is commissioned to teach God's word and lead his family to Godliness, (cf. Ephesians 5:26). However he needs help! His wife is called to help him, therefore he needs to listen to her (cf. Proverbs 31:26)! Solomon states:
However what does it mean that he is 'the head'? The husband is the spiritual leader; the one who is commissioned to teach God's word and lead his family to Godliness, (cf. Ephesians 5:26). However he needs help! His wife is called to help him, therefore he needs to listen to her (cf. Proverbs 31:26)! Solomon states:
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. ...a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. - Proverbs 31:10-21, 30Moreover, he is also to love his wife "...just as Christ loved the church..." - Ephesians 5:25. If you are a married man the day you put your signature on your marriage license you signed onto love your wife with a parallel love that Christ had and has for His church - a daunting task indeed! If you are an unmarried man, but you are looking down the corridor to marriage with your girlfriend, a great blessing indeed, but realize how God wants you to love her.
How is the husband to parallel his love for his wife to Christ's love for the church? The first step is to concentrate on loving her and not how she is loving you in return. Christ's love for His church was not contingent on receiving love from His church (Romans 5:8); as such the husband should love his wife non contingent of receiving love from her.
Regarding all relationships Paul commands that all of us are to "...have the same mindset as Christ Jesus" - Philippians 2:5. This thus includes your relationship with your beloved. How should a husband love his beloved? Take on the nature of a servant and be obedient to her needs; and he is called to do this as far as to his own grave, (cf. Philippians 2:7-8). Christ sacrificed something, namely the glory that he had with his Father, so to meet our need of reconciliation back to him, (cf. John 17:5). In the same way husbands are called to be prepared to make sacrifices so to meet their wive's needs. 99% however of sacrifices won't have the err of death, except for from time to time, the death of one's preferences for the benefit of his wife.
Christ also humbled himself by entering his creation and dying a natural death, (cf. Philippians 2:8). This however does not apply here for the husband because he is not on a higher standing than his wife; therefore there is no way that he can mimic the humility for his wife that Christ did for him, as he is, like his wife, but a lowly sinner. However the service end of that scenario is one that all husbands are commissioned to do; and this service is to love her unconditionally and ensure that his love for her is his number two priority as God is to be his number one (cf. Matthew 22:37-39).
Moreover, God pleads with his people to return to him and love him (cf. Jeremiah 3:12); he parallels his relationship with his people as His bride and He their husband (cf. Jeremiah 3:14). He chooses them; and when they love him, he promises not to reject their love and be angry (cf. Jeremiah 3:12d). Remember that your God-centred wife willingly chooses to love you and so be willing to be loved by your wife. This can done by a submission to all that she has to offer!
To conclude if you are an unmarried man who is looking to marry to your girlfriend, practice being her husband now. Show her today the reality of who she is namely, a person of "...noble character...". Someone who "...is worth far more than rubies." - Proverbs 31:10.
Loving your spouse is a wonderful opportunity; but it can be hard. Therefore both you and your beloved should thank God that He's given to both of you rationed portions of time to do it; namely each of our relative hours that we are awake, (cf. Matthew 6:34). Just as I took sobriety from alcohol and drug abuse, one day at a time, every married man and woman should not try to love their spouses in chunks of 3 days or 7 days or 50 years, but only one day at a time to one portion of the day at a time to one hour at a time; and relish every second of it!
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[i] - "Placing a wedding ring" by Petar Milošević - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0 via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Placing_a_wedding_ring.jpg#/media/File:Placing_a_wedding_ring.jpg
Regarding all relationships Paul commands that all of us are to "...have the same mindset as Christ Jesus" - Philippians 2:5. This thus includes your relationship with your beloved. How should a husband love his beloved? Take on the nature of a servant and be obedient to her needs; and he is called to do this as far as to his own grave, (cf. Philippians 2:7-8). Christ sacrificed something, namely the glory that he had with his Father, so to meet our need of reconciliation back to him, (cf. John 17:5). In the same way husbands are called to be prepared to make sacrifices so to meet their wive's needs. 99% however of sacrifices won't have the err of death, except for from time to time, the death of one's preferences for the benefit of his wife.
Christ also humbled himself by entering his creation and dying a natural death, (cf. Philippians 2:8). This however does not apply here for the husband because he is not on a higher standing than his wife; therefore there is no way that he can mimic the humility for his wife that Christ did for him, as he is, like his wife, but a lowly sinner. However the service end of that scenario is one that all husbands are commissioned to do; and this service is to love her unconditionally and ensure that his love for her is his number two priority as God is to be his number one (cf. Matthew 22:37-39).
Moreover, God pleads with his people to return to him and love him (cf. Jeremiah 3:12); he parallels his relationship with his people as His bride and He their husband (cf. Jeremiah 3:14). He chooses them; and when they love him, he promises not to reject their love and be angry (cf. Jeremiah 3:12d). Remember that your God-centred wife willingly chooses to love you and so be willing to be loved by your wife. This can done by a submission to all that she has to offer!
To conclude if you are an unmarried man who is looking to marry to your girlfriend, practice being her husband now. Show her today the reality of who she is namely, a person of "...noble character...". Someone who "...is worth far more than rubies." - Proverbs 31:10.
Loving your spouse is a wonderful opportunity; but it can be hard. Therefore both you and your beloved should thank God that He's given to both of you rationed portions of time to do it; namely each of our relative hours that we are awake, (cf. Matthew 6:34). Just as I took sobriety from alcohol and drug abuse, one day at a time, every married man and woman should not try to love their spouses in chunks of 3 days or 7 days or 50 years, but only one day at a time to one portion of the day at a time to one hour at a time; and relish every second of it!
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[i] - "Placing a wedding ring" by Petar Milošević - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0 via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Placing_a_wedding_ring.jpg#/media/File:Placing_a_wedding_ring.jpg
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